Wednesday, 28 September 2016

A Visit ( update)

I am off to see Auntie Glad today, then I am working an  overtime night shift
Thought I would leave you this video to discuss 
Lovely as it is strangely moving


Gladys was sat in the day room in a neat maroon dress.
Beads around her neck.
She was sat next to a silent yet cheerful looking woman with leg ulcers
and wasn't sure who I was until I said " it's Flower Show John! "
Only then did she clap her hands and then held onto mine without letting go.

The food was lovely, she reported, and she had seen her niece and Christine from the village. so wasn't short of visitors. She also made herself useful and had " done some washing up"

I told her that we needed to organise a flower show meeting in order to distribute funds around the village and she seemed happy that we intend to give the Church monies for new linens.
(There is no rush but I think we will try to have the meeting in the nursing home itself, for they seem a friendly bunch and holistic care seems one of their buzz words)

She asked about the Prof,  and about Derek and Heulwen from the Flower Show..oh and did the vicar know that she wasn't around for Church? I had to raise my voice so she could hear what I was saying, and I woke a gentleman sat opposite who gave me a dirty look.

I noticed that the panes of glass in the partition to the dining room were covered in a mass finger marks from slightly confused hands.

" Is my house alright?" She asked, just before I was about to go
" It's fine and neat and tidy as it always is" I told her.
" That's Good" she said with a smile.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

More Workmen

The workmen arrived promptly at 8am.
Mrs Frazer saw their van parked in the field gateway and raised her eyebrows again!
" More work? They MUST have come into money" She thought.
The two cheerful workmen who looked 18 and 12 respectively got on with the work in hand with some gusto and were watched happily by Winnie who enjoyed giving their tool boxes the once over with solemn eyes  . ( no euphemism was intended btw)
She finally had to be removed from the proceedings when she found a kitkat shoved down by the wrenches and became all unnecessary over it and even then she wasn't happy until one of the boys had given her a kiss goodbye.
Upset at her re location, she has spent the rest of the morning alone.....doing a perfect imitation of a Russian Babushka

Speaking of Russian Babushkas , I spied Gaynor the mad organist outside the church. She was in fine fettle and had been busy appropriating flowers from Animal helper Pat's garden for her flower arrangement class.
I presume Pat knew she's been running amok with her  secateurs

Monday, 26 September 2016


Thank you to my Sheffield friend Jane
This brightened my aforementioned shitty day

Out With Anger........In With Love

" arrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"Real life....shitty, normal, irritating 21st century fucking doesn't half get on your tits!"
Most of the morning I have been moping up a constant flood of water from our log burner back boiler.
Apparently there is no fullproof way of sorting the problem by a flick of a switch so the system will need draining and " plugging" .......ooohhhh errrrrr missus ! And that can only be done in the morning! Thank goodness for a geeky manager of a local heating company who sorted the problem out withing seconds over the phone, I could have kissed him.
In the meantime......" Man the pumps Ishmail! "
That's only taken me 5 I am waiting for BRITISH telicom to call me from India. Our Broadband is on the blink AND THERE IS AN HOUR's WAITING TIME TO BE HEARD! 
The Prof had a shouting match with someone on Saturday which ended in the phrase
" I understand that the wire set up is complicated ...I do have a PhD "
Hence today, I am doing the talking.
Earlier today, in between wringing out towels and hanging on the phone, I took the dogs out for a pee and noticed that British Telicom was working in a hole on the main road.
I asked them if there was a local broadband problem
" Dunno mate" was the reply
" Great! a  neanderthal  in a hard hat" I muttered
The neanderthal scratched his head.

I'm still waiting for a call back!

In the meantime , this afternoon, William, fed up with waiting for a walk, has backed his arse up to the new fridge and  has pebble- dashed the outside of it.

Sunday, 25 September 2016

Train to Busan

Prof is still unwell
I watched this Cracking Korean zombie movie on youtube this evening
just before it was deleted
Great fun

Once A Geek..........

The Prof has a heavy cold man flu.
He is presently resting the Roger Moore eyebrows and is lying weakly in bed.
" what would you like for breakfast?" I called up from the kitchen this morning" Something light?"
He thought about this between wracking coughs
and eventually answered in a weak voice
" A three egg omlette with smoked salmon and a cup of tea"
I think he'll pull through.

Last night, as the Prof lay prostrate on the couch, I watched the Norwegian disaster movie Bolgen.
Bolgen literally means " The Wave" in Norwegian, so it will come as no surprise that the wave in question is in fact a tsunami, but a tsunami caused by an unstable mountain crashing into the head of a fjord.
Apparantly the Scandinavians are well prepared for such eventualities and like the Japanese have robust warning systems to alert the populations clustered in picturesque towns further down the valleys.
Bolgen does not swerve away from true disaster movie protocol. Kristian ( Kristopher Joner) is a scientist studying the stability of a local mountains. He realises ( like you do) that the mountain overlooking his hometown is about to collapse. When it does in spectacular style, he has only a ten minute window in which to warn the population of the town down the valley, the town in which his family is sheltering.
It's a popcorn movie, nothing more, but having the Norweigan twist makes for a bit more interesting a ride. Kristian's partner ( a feisty Ane Dahl Torp) has more spunk than the average disaster movie heroine and proves it by not being adverse to a bit of murder in order to protect her family ( oh err), there are several very dark set pieces like when Kristian comes across a drowned tourist bus and the special effects are rather impressive and more realistic  than we have gotten used to of late.
A good try  7/10.

Now I have only just realised just why, I am slightly obsessed with disaster movies and such tv shows such as The Walking is a geeky childhood thing that has never been exorcised- an itch that has never fully been properly scratched
Last night, I caught a rerun of an American show from 1968. I watched it around 1970-1971 every Friday afternoon and although, even then, I could spot a shitty script from a hundred feet, I was totally excited by the general narative which had a group of strangers brought together by peril or disaster. That tv Show was The Land Of The Giants . 
Throughout the seventies disaster movies such as The Poseidon Adventure the format of " strangers working together as a team" and " who will die first" continued to box office delight and even now, The Walking Dead, ( which is literally the same plot but substitues the undead for tidal waves) has me on the edge of my seat....

Geeky kids grow up into geeky adults I guess.

Have to go. The Prof calls from the sick bed.

He's requested battered calamari rings with accompanying mayonnaise for lunch! 

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Camp Time

After yesterday's emotional jacuzzi 
I think we are all in need of a bit of humour and campness
This hysterical routine from tv's Judge Rinder
Has to be seen to be believed.
It's camper than a million rainbow tents covered in glitter,

Friday, 23 September 2016

Auntie Gladys Leaves The Village

It was " errand " day today.
George went down to the groomers early and needed picking up before lunch. His groomer, Louise has a kind heart and Made him comfortable with all his lumps and bumps. She has a soft spot for the old boy as George restored her faith in Scotties ( she had been nipped by a bad tempered terrier years ago)
I had to pick up the Prof's favourite jacket from the tailors,post some stuff at the Post Office and have already shot around the village trying to organise a " Flower Show Post Mortem meeting"-(the committee needs to allocate funds for this year's good causes ) unfortunately I've not marshalled a quorum as yet though I did see Mrs Trellis through her living room window gayly practicing her piano scales when I passed .
There is a new resident in Mrs Jones' old bungalow and I met him this morning as he puffed on his pipe during a break in gardening. He is a retired merchant seaman and couldn't look more like one if he tried, what with his pipe, bushy grey beard and weatherbeaten, crinkle eyed, slightly shopworn look., I have nicknamed him, unsurprisingly , Popeye.
Pat, the animal helper ( sporting a very natty Mary Berry hair do) promised to give me embroidery lessons during the winter and I couldn't find Graham the chap who has repaired our shed roof  in order to pay him for his work. Mrs Frazer seemed impressed with his work, when she passed and also made a point of praising our new windows with  a knowing " I see you have come into some money " kind of look.
I tell you all this as perhaps it underlines the pace and urgency you feel when things need to be done and deadlines albeit small deadlines need to be met, the quick pace takes over and feelings often are not acknowledged

You will understand the last sentence in a minute.
In the middle of these jobs I walked the dogs and had a rather " fraught" moment with Winnie who found and adopted a half deflated football. Separating a bulldog from a wonderful toy like this is a feat in itself. I was hot and bothered when I eventually got to Auntie Gladys'
It was a planned two minute 'pop in'
Knock on the door, say I was going away for a day or so and could she use up some cake and boiled ham I had knocking around. Of course I'd just bought the cake and ham, and the ruse was for her to feel as though she was doing me a favour.
He son in law opened the door.

It felt all a bit rushed.
He explained that they were taking Gladys out for lunch ( I felt a tad awkward holding cake and ham)   Then they were taking her to a nursing home for some respite care  as he and his wife were going on holiday for a week.
I knew this was on the cards, but hadn't realised it was quite so soon.
He thanked me for what I and others had done for Gladys and gave me a slip of paper. On it was details of the nursing home which included the telephone number and address.
"We are giving these out" he said carefully , and added slowly " she won't be coming back home"
I nodded
It all happened so quick.
I presumed Gladys and her daughter were elsewhere getting ready
and I felt I had intruded just a little on family plans, so saying I would visit her next week, I took the cake, the ham and the slip of paper and left the sunny kitchen, still spotlessly clean and neat as it always was........with the old table in the centre on polished red brick tiles and the aga standing proud in the inglenook.

I was late picking George up from the groomers and gave him the ham to eat on the back seat on the way home. The cake I gave to the girl behind the till.
" what's that for?" she asked cheerfully
" A thank you" I said without thinking

Only after I had stopped to take George for a walk did I realise the enormity of what had just happened. No more good natured Flower Show Meetings around that kitchen table. No more bags of scones tied carefully around the cottage door knob. No more more...

I , like many from the village will drive over to Holywell to visit, Monday looks like a good day to go, I thought, as a balding George lumps and all, tottered his way happily through the railway path.
And I stopped for a few minutes and sat on a bench overlooking the coast and a bright blue sky

And had a good cry.

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Billy No Mates

Even the living room is empty, the dogs are all asleep in the kitchen

The Prof has just facetimed me from the pub. He's there with his family, fitting them in between work in London.
I'm sat at home feeling like Billy-No-mates

But I have lots of mates..I've had mates for years.

Craggy faced, Tom Stephenson, Rachel-of-the-Fens, Pudding of Yorkshire, Farmer's wife Pat from North Yorkshire and Ann Marie with the New York accent.
Raymondo, Jimbo, Jon, Steve,Mitchell,  Andrew and Dave.....gays with something to say.... Dave, Nick, dave, Andrew, Chris, Cro, Gary and Kev , all straights with something to say too!
Those with Miss Norm, Parsnips , trailer Trash, and a hundred others
Sue H, John W, from around the corner, Simone, Twiggy, Elephants Child and CoffeeOTP a little further on..
And Yael, Carlinpa,Francis and a ton of others from exotic far flung places......
Lots to read, lots to read you...sorry I have not mentioned you all, new friends and old
Oh and not forgetting the bitch Ursula, who always enjoys a debate

Lots of friends
Hey ho

Blogs That Just Stop

On Monday's post, I found a short comment from " David"
It was as chilling as it was succinct .

Jacqueline (aka cranky) suffered a severe stroke last week. Unconscious since then.

I called into Jacqueline's blog but allI could see is a post from last week. A typical blogger's post. Chatty, frothy, friendly.......then.....nothing.
I like many of us here, I send Jacqueline, her family ( ? david) and friends my best wishes but if that brief message is true, things do seem rather bleak.........a banal blog entry sitting on the internet like an unfinished chapter of a book.

It's a reminder to us all that life isn't a Hollywood movie.
The narrative is never linear.
A begining, a middle and an end....then.....fade to black.
It's not always the case.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016


Winnie was beside herself when I got home from work this morning.
Graham the workman had already stripped the toilet roof by 8 am and all she had been able to do was to to blow the odd bulldog kiss at him through the cat flap for presumably a hour or so.
She was exhausted at the unrequited effort of it all.
" She wants to watch what I 'm doing " Graham noted when I walked down the path and I refrained from the comment of " she wants to shag you, that's what she really wants to do"
It was far too early for such things to be discussed.
Especially as we now have an open air outside toilet ...all in pink!
I don't understand when Winnie first started this unsavoury love affair with male visitors.
It never used to be such a problem when she arrived at Bwthyn y Llan, but very slowly, over they years she has morphed into one of those slightly slutty MILFs that frequent the more offputting depths of the internet.
I blame the Prof's " slippers of sex" for it all.

So dear readers have you ever had an unhealthy crush on anyone?
I'd be interested to know!